times are tired.

it's december 1 in 36 minutes.

numbers. numbers. numbers. numbers consume my life. i am a math teacher, after all. but i feel like i am constantly counting  or counting down. the minutes to the end of my prep until i have to rush into my classroom to teach second period. the seconds left in my students' do now. the ineffective 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 to get the class quiet. the days left until i get to be on an airplane and land in seattle again. the months and years i have agreed to wait to begin yet another chapter in my life. the number of times i call (and am not answered by) my long distance boyfriend in a given period of time. the number of dollars that quickly escape my bank account. the percentage of my students who have "attained mastery". or the percentage of content my students have mastered. or the numbers i receive on my teacher-proficiency evaluation. the hours of sleep that evade me. the few short miles (and the gallons of gas) i drive to school on a wasteful daily routine. the dollars i reserve for starbucks coffee because i can't afford the minutes in the morning to brew my own coffee. the hours i spend in my school building on a usual day. the number of kids in my homeroom receiving lunch for the day. the temperature here in philadelphia (thinking, why won't it snow?). dates that work for my penn classes is due. three months, really, to the pssa. the number of kids that, according to our benchmark, are (and are not) on the "proficient" or "advanced" level. 

i used to feel terribly stifled by the way numbers controlled my sense of worth when i was in high school. did my SAT score increase each time i took a new practice test? did my GPA decrease slightly because i got a bad mark on a quiz (or because i was caught not going to class?!)? did i gain even more weight? was i going to get a 4 or a 5 on that AP test?

i have nothing really to say. i am tired. and have not fully prepared for my classes tomorrow. 3 procedures classes of 56 minutes each. teaching percents ("teaching percents" is vague and would be an unacceptable objective because it is not measurable and clear). 1 problem solving class, also 56 minutes. one am break. one pm break. 15 minutes each. twenty-three, twenty and fifteen children to wrestle with. but mostly it's just three or five that give me a hard time. and one student is suspended out of school tomorrow. eight hours and some more to hold back any tears of the kind that have been far too frequent of late.

it matters if you just don't give up. [stephen hawking]

20081022

(it's my mom's birthday in two days)

work. work. work. work. work. work. work.work.work.wrkworkkworkworkwokr.wokworowr.owkrokworkworkwork.w.orkworkwoworkwor.kwork.work. work. work. work. work. work...

i'm at work

there is a ton to do, but i wanted to note a positive moment of the day. rafik in homeroom had homework academy today (incomplete homework = stay after school for one hour to catch up on homework), which i had to monitor. rafik was restless, as usual, at the beginning of HWA. but he eventually got to work (about 15-20 minutes into the hour). i did a restroom list (one person is allowed out at a time) and he was, of course, on the list. thirty or so minutes pass and it's finally rafik's turn to go to the bathroom.

me: "rafik, you may go to the restroom if you'd like"

rafik (looking up from his homework): "naw, it's cool. i don't want to go anymore"

hurray.

buum bunana buumm bum..

hmm..